Thursday, February 03, 2005

Remembering a friend...and mourning a lost love...and wondering what's going to happen next?

I'd like to say that things have changed in the time since my last post - I'd like to say that - but sadly, they haven't.

A lot of really infuriating things have been going on with my the last week or so. Some of it is work-related, and as Peoria Pundit Bill Dennis says in his guide to good blogging, you should never blog about work.

What the hell does Bill know? But I'll save those thoughts for another post. Suffice it to say for now, I'm not happy with what's be going on at the office lately.

But I've been thinking about a series of things that happened to me three years ago lately. It started with the death of a friend, then a shocking move by a girlfriend of mine, and finally ended with the loss of a romance.

Some of you reading this may remember Peter E. Parisi, the host, star, creator, editor and all-around mastermind of the St. Louis public-access program World Wide Magazine, which ran for some 15 years on public-access channels throughout the St. Louis metro area.

I was a part of the show, along with my brother Colin, for a brief time in 1997. We taped a couple of segments for the show but things never worked out after that for more appearances.

Pete had a case of insulin-dependent diabetes. He knew it, but he refused to take care of himself, for whatever reason - stuffing down doughnuts or smoking a pack of two a day.

It took its' toll on him, and he couldn't keep the show going. He finally fell into a diabetic coma in November 2001, the details of which still remain murky to some folks.

On Saturday, Jan. 19, 2002, in a hospital in south Florida, Pete died.

I still miss him to this day. His show was one of the funniest, yet outlandish, yet controversial shows I've ever seen. He never gained the respect he truly deserved from the St. Louis media, especially those in the blow-dried world of STL television, where ability isn't as important as how hot you look (and I'll admit, there are some FINE-looking women on TV in the Lou, but I doubt any of them would touch me with a 37-and-a-half-foot pole. Too bad.).

Pete was treated by some as a pariah, worse than scum. Their loss. They couldn't see the genius behind his shows and his skits to save their suburban-addled asses.

Little did I know that it was the start of yet another downward skid in my life. It always seems that when something bad happens, it's like a car on a sheet of ice - it's all but impossible to stop the skid until something gets into the way, like a ditch or worse.

I had gotten a new phone number at the place I was sharing with my brother in the Carondelet nabe at that time. I'd know this girl - her name was Jeannie - for many, many years and had come to love her very much.

I gave her a call to say hello, but got her voice mail. Nothing unusual about that - I'd gotten her voice mail all the time. But then I called her mom (I'd known her for the same length of time), and she delivered the shocking news.

Jeannie had gotten married that day.

Needless to say, I was speechless. Shocked. Floored. It was like someone had taken a stick to me and knocked me in the stomach with it, and then for good measure, face-planted me into the floor.

She couldn't talk long, but when I hung up, I felt like I hadn't felt in ages.

My legs went numb. My mind was racing in millions of directions at once.

Jeannie? MARRIED?

I laid down on the floor and damn near cried my eyes out.

I was still in a state of shock the next day. I met up with some friends of mine in downtown St. Louis for the civic group Metropolis' weekly pub crawl, known as The Walk. One of my friends talked with me for a few minutes, then showed me a pair of Blues tickets he got from a friend.

We were going to see the Blues play Vancouver. He thought it might be a good way to get my mind off what had happened for a few hours. He was right - especially since the Blues won that night.

A few days later, still reeling from what had happened, I met another woman named Cindy on one of those telephone chat lines. She liked me a lot, apparently, and we made arrangements to meet on the following Thursday's Walk.

We met, ate, talked, had a great time - and then wound up going back to her place in St. Peters. I won't get into what happened, but suffice it to say, we both had a lot of fun.

We saw each other for three weeks. But there were problems. I was having one of my usual spate of financial problems at the time, I didn't have a car and she had been coming off a pair of divorces. She'd been taking care of the men in her life and didn't want to do that anymore (not that I particularly blame her).

Eventually, after three weeks, she broke it off. I couldn't afford to date her - I couldn't afford her, period.

Several months later, I found out she was seeing someone else and had moved in with him.

So now, as another Valentine's Day approaches, I ask myself...

Where is Miss Right? Or should I just settle for a romp or two with Miss Right Now?

At my advanced age (44), it's getting harder and harder. I'm doing some things for myself - I'm a member of eHarmony and have tried (without much luck) other Internet personal sites. But it's not easy meeting folks, especially being so far from home and being in a small college town where the nightlife is geared to the students (I've posted on that before).

But I'm wondering if I'm never destined to marry, have kids, or even have any sort of sexual relationship with a female (the last time I slept with someone was during the time I was seeing Cindy three years ago).

Yeah, I've seen people be stuck and unhappy in relationships but stay with them for whatever reason (the sex is good, he makes tons of money, insert your own bogus excuse in this spot), yet overlook yours truly for whatever other reason (I'm too nice, no attraction - even the old suckwad standby, you're too fat or any variation thereof).

I've given up trying to figure it out - I don't think it's even possible.

Bitter, party of one - your table's ready. Bitter, party of one.


Blogger chickenman23 said...

The World Wide Magazine Starring Pete Parisi Web Site has changed URL addresses. The New URL Address is

6:45 PM  

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